it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
