Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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