Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
