I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
