I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
