thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
