READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
