9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize