I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
