The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
