I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
