If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
