The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
okay pat passed out under dana's car
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
