I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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