she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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