I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
