Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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