My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
