I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
