He kissed a someone with a penis
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When did angry sex become our thing?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i think im in europe. pls send help
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
