he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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