It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
