I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
