Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
