when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
