I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the liver wants what the liver wants
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
