Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
