I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
