Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
