i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
