Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
