So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
