P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
