somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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