I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
