90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
