Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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