but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
