btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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