i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
