Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
