Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
