So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
