You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
