i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize