A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
