I'm gonna have a badass scar
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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