I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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