found the other keg... it's in the tree
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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