i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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