so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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