i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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