a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
