Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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