Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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