You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize