He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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