Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
