My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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