I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
