Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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