True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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