I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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