I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
