Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
