Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
