I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
