after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
