He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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