just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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