Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
