Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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